This was written after episode 5.12 aired, so I do have those events informing me as I write this, but I am not directly discussing that episode.  This is a follow-up continuing my reactions to 5.11, the episode that unexpectedly has taken over a good chunk of my brain. I’m unspoiled for any unaired episodes.

BECAUSE I SIMPLY CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT 5.11 SAM, INTERRUPTED….

I haven’t yet written about Sam’s “I still love you” (while gripping Dean’s angel-imprinted shoulder and following it up with the nose tweak) to Dean while he’s flying high on “everything!” This comes after Sam’s been told his rage is inhuman and he fights off a phantom attack by Dean and others in the dayroom. Sam is shouting that he didn’t do it and that he’s innocent as he’s restrained and dragged off. Dean is sitting apparently frozen at a nearby table during the incident. When he goes to see drugged Sam, they talk about Dean wrongly identifying the doctor as the monster. With a touch of irritated frustration, Dean shuts down the conversation with an “I made a mistake!” leading to Sam’s affectionate declaration. Once again they’ve left the wording vague enough for me to play with layers of meaning.

Soooo… I’m wondering what Sam is innocent of.

Sam is guilty of (being pushed into) violence after being cautioned about penalties.  In my most satisfying speculations, though, Sam actually was innocent of MANY of the things we SAW in S4. He chose to assume the role of bad guy. As he played the part, the stories became true however. Despite multiple warnings, Sam lost control. He was assigned the motive of revenge and rage though I maintain his actions were in truth motivated by devotion and loyalty.

I can only point to who I believe the brothers to be to each other as ‘proof’ for this stance. There has to be a reason we didn’t see Sam and Bobby burying and grieving for Dean early in S4. There’s a reason the sleeping with a demon first happened in a flashback story that was being filtered for Dean and not shown to us first-hand. And there’s a reason characters like Bobby (and Chuck and Castiel) allowed Sam to continue along the path he was on. It’s not that Sam was such a stealthy mastermind that no one could have known. There’s a reason the show has gotten so very meta about who is able to contribute to, edit, and ultimately control the story.

Dean, broken by hell, hasn’t accepted the grace essential for a non-evil resurrection. He is still trapped and scared shitless (bury it!) by any explanations that allow for goodness or hope or worthiness. There must be a monster, mustn’t there? Sam stepped in and took some of the burden off Dean’s shoulders by casting himself as the monster Dean believes himself to be?

Annnd… I’m wondering if that isn’t the real mistake Dean is getting closer to realizing.

The longer I think about this episode, the more reason I see in it to have hope for the boys.

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