I’ve simply been unable to settle down and finish writing about this episode.  My goodness! I’m forcing myself to commit to my current thoughts though before tonight’s ep airs. (I want to be able to look back and see where I was at this point.) Except for watching the preview as it played over the credits once, I am unspoiled. And, oh yeah, my theory blinders remain in place.

  • The episode opens with Castiel at an accident scene complete with a dead blonde dressed in white and positioned so much like Mary and Jess  – and then the camera sweeps up to show her magnificent wingprints! What a perfect image to take us back to the very beginning of the series and connect that to where the story is now.
  • Sam is in the driver’s seat as we join the boys making it immediately obvious that things are worse than ever for Dean. He’s too tired to make the effort to object or involve himself in Sam and Ruby deciding the next steps. It’s impossible to hear Dean so weary without remembering his desire for “rest” in 2.20 What Is and What Should Never Be.
  • Go back to 4.12 Criss Angel is a Douche Bag which followed Dean’s admission of enjoying the torturer role. In the story, the magician, Jay, is clearly tempting fate with his suicidal tricks and is saved three times by his “brother.” That is when Sam decides it is imperative that he ‘work’ with Ruby again.
  • Sam advises Dean to get angry (as Dean was enthralled – or goaded -  into during the siren episode). The current story provides an almost immediate excuse when the angels are waiting at their next motel. Uriel is clearly in charge while Castiel is now relegated to second status, and Dean is told he’s needed in order to force information from Alastair about who is killing angels. Dean’s attempt at defiance is short-lived when he’s swept away from Sam. The frustrated fear in Sam’s “damn it!” is palpable.
  • Dean has been taken to a meat processing plant – complete with the chains and hooks we associate with his hell experience. (It occurs to me that if a 22 episode season were showing 40 years of hell, the 30 year breaking point would fall during the 16th episode.) He asks for and is given a private exchange with Castiel who, even while sympathizing and obviously distressed about the magnitude of what is being asked, reiterates that orders are for Dean to torture Alastair.
  • We see Ruby come to Sam and her first instinct is to let the situation play out as the angels plan. Sam, however, is adamant that Dean is not strong enough. I’m convinced the torture is not what Sam is concerned about and that we’d see a similar level of worry if Dean had been snatched away to play with puppies (remember the retriever in 3.11 Mystery Spot and the panic over the 4.06 Yellow Fever yorkie?). It’s the separation and inability to step in for Dean that frightens Sam. If my theory of dreamweaving Sam is correct, he took death off the table in 4.15 Death Takes a Holiday. (Good thing since Dean explicitly states to Tessa that he wishes he’d gone with her when he had the chance.)
  • If my theory of dissociated Dean is correct, we are seeing Ruby AND Castiel AND Anna AND Uriel AND Alastair channeling aspects of a fractured Dean. Castiel appeals to Anna with “Tell me what to do” which is so like Dean struggling with “What am I supposed to do?” over his dead brother. Neither Castiel nor Dean are given the relief of an answer providing direction. (At least when it’s Sam’s turn to ask the question in 3.16 No Rest for the Wicked, Dean has an answer for him.)
  • No doubt Dean, like Alastair, did nothing other than smart off during the first thirty minutes of his torture. However, throughout what we see, Alastair is torturing Dean far more than the other way around. He claims to have tortured an unbreakable John – which is of course the standard Dean would have set for himself. (It fits with the perfect view of the man that returned in 4.03 In the Beginning.)
  • Just when you think the show has beaten Dean up in every possible way, it is revealed that Dean broke the first seal when he took up the torturer’s tools. My gut says Dean can’t be brought to any worse circumstance – until I think how he’ll feel if made to believe that putting things right again requires ending Sam.
  • I’m afraid we still have a metaphorical ten years of Dean’s hell to witness. The fourth season has been stellar for me, but I’m feeling particularly depressed after this one. I didn’t see a single bridge or “I’m sorry” hyacinth to give subtextual hope. I was definitely impressed by livejournalist hugemind’s meta on the circles in this episode and their association with angels, but haven’t translated that into hope particularly.
  • When I watched the ep, I missed Sam’s eyes turning black while he’s driving alone to get to Dean. The hints we’ve had in this direction before (the yellow in 4.06 Yellow Fever, for instance) were ‘easy’ to explain as Dean’s projection of fear for (and toward?) his brother. Here, though, it shows up clearly in the screen caps people have pointed at, and seemingly has to be for the audience’s benefit. Could I talk myself into believing it’s just Sam pumping himself up and not an actual physical manifestation? Until now, I’ve been sure he was doing the right thing (feeding off the Ruby connection – literally now as well as figuratively) for the right reason (get Dean out of hell and all the way back).  I will note here that Ruby lets her own blood by cutting the left inner forearm just as Dean did it (albeit with a machete) in 3.07 Fresh Blood. Her use of the “Sammy” diminutive bothered other people more than it did me since I’ve seen her as a creation of the desperate bond between the brothers for several weeks now.  Regardless, I thought Sam could handle it. I’ve said I was worried about what this was costing, but now I’m truly afraid the show will make him go so far to do what I want that he will lose control of it all.

OK – posting now! This feels very disjointed and incomplete yet. (I barely wrote about the angels or demons for instance.) I don’t know whether I hope more for a break away from the angst for Dean’s sake or for some more information on exactly what Sam is doing. Somehow I think the two are mutually exclusive.

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